I love multigenerational adult family work. For example, adult daughter and mother sessions. I also enjoy working with 3 generations at one time. For example, a grandparent, their middle aged adult child and young adult grandchild. These sessions can sometimes require more time, such as 2 hours rather than one. Once we meet and begin working, we make that decision together. The multigenerational work that I do also revolves around the experience of trauma. More often than not, trauma was never intended. General transmission of unhealthy relational patterns landed with pain and resulted in perpetuating the unhealthy patterns. Repair work and forgiveness are often needed. I can help with exploring, naming, owning mistakes, shame resilience, repair, forgiveness, trust building, communication building and healing in these situations.
It is important to know, we are not blame seeking when we do this work together. We enter the stories of your shared lives with curiosity, compassion, empathy, seeking understanding, healing and forward momentum toward and life you can love sharing with each other to whatever degree you decide is suitable to your relationships.
Blended families are another area of family work that I enjoy. Especially if trying to navigate exiting toxic prior marriage, handling difficulties with co-parenting in a toxic-ex scenario all while trying to build toward a new healthy future in your new blended family relationships.
Blended families come with a unique set of challenges. More second marriages end in divorce than first marriages. I encourage you to take preventative measures and seek counseling early in the blending process (even before re-marriage).
The challenges of first marriages are amplified in a second marriage, kids are already on board and accustom to a parenting style. Habits of finances, household management, communication and more are already decided. Someone if not everyone is experiencing a shift in living arrangements which may come with community and school changes as well.
The married pair does not have the same opportunity to “couple up” as first time marriages because there is rarely time without children. Decisions about child rearing specifically do not get to be made as a couple because they are already on board with those parenting decisions in place. Even when parenting styles look consistent, when you move in together, the intensity of time reveals the differences. Those skillful children also know how to introduce their share of challenges to the couple and family system.
On top of those challenges, often parents bring their own challenges in overcoming a bad if not traumatic first marriage and possibly their own unresolved childhood trauma. No wonder second marriages require twice as much investment and dedication to succeed.
If you would like to explore and engage in multigenerational family healing, or to take a proactive approach to your blended family’s success, come work with me and set your feet on the path to your desired family experience.